I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
