I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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