Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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