And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
