i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
