I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
