..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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