I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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