I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
