you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
