Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
