Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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