bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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