Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
