I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
