i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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