Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
