I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
