I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
