I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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