now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
