It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
