cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
