I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
