Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
