Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
