Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
