Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
