well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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