At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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