Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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