I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
