How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
