She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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