STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
