If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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