Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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