My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
