Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
