he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
