I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
