Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
