I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The air taste purple.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
