Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
