Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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