I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
