I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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