Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
