I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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