we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
