He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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