Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
